Restless again

I really do hate stress. How it poisons my real self. How i am drowning in my shortcomings. How i am feeling bottling up.The upcoming exam is the culprit. I have done this multiple times, i know it is just another challenge that i have to or well, need to beat. Stress has always manage to make me feel like i am being wrap with a bubble, away from others. It makes me feel like i am or have to go to it alone.

It will go away in less than 2 weeks time and i hope i have grown a bit more after this. I can't imagine how much stress it is going to be when my real royal college exam arrives in about 3 years time!


(-_-)***meditates.......

Why it has to be so complicated?

She has been pondering again for the longest time. Most times, she wonders what is the best thing to do? She is not trying to drop something off but she hates to listen to her own voice because she may not be able to follow them. She has never thought that she could be so absorbed but it happens too often. Now she has prayed, and wonder if she should have the same faith as others.


(-_-)***......wonder if she should or could care less...

Head-ache

As stress increases, i can feel my intracranial pressure creeping up. I still haven't figure out if slipping into meditation mood will help my case or it really doesn't matter.



(-_-)***...nobody likes exam, i think!

The impulse

I love to act on impulse as much as i hate to be a spectator of disappointment. I wonder how much more i can do sometimes. The list probably goes on. I wonder what kind of mama i will be! (^^)


(-_-)***sleep tight qiqi....with the fat eye-pad!

Another week....ending with a great valentine weekend

It was a great weekend spent with friends. I had great laugh and spent much energy playing volleyball after intense studying session in between. Mich, i know, another year passed by without a significant other. I know i broken that "i have never made Jan 28,2009 dateline to have a bf" promise. It's ok. It may take me a lifetime to look for the one that i could spend my lifetime with. Ok, the math of this equation will never turn out well...after spending lifetime searching, where else can i have another lifetime to spend ya! =P

I truly have to give thanks, just as usual, i always feel blessed.

Work has recently been a little more stressful. Working in icu is no fun with all sick and "begging" to die patients to face day in day out. My heart actually wish to cry everyday when i see my favourite patient getting sicker or witnessing those who are not supposed to suffer, fell sick. An 18 year old who had severe seizure when she is 38 weeks old pregnant needing to go into ICU. What has she done? The presence of insensible nurses doesn't help the fact. During the past few weeks, there were so many minutes where i was judging my ability over and over again. I am just not that smart. I was very cognizant of all my insufficiency and mistakes. It is not fun to be able to see it. It is bothersome. Is there a miracle that will help me to deal with this? I started to pray yesterday and made a promise.

I am truly glad that i am only doing my icu rotation only now, after learning more about myself. I would have broken down more often if not because of past experience. I also have to acknowledge as well that my anger and outburst management has been going well. jean, i do have to credit you for this. I was humbled by your words. The past weeks, although being surrounded by bitchy nurses, i have been able to stay as peaceful as i can. Mixing with non-medical friends helps a lot too. Because i will always end up feeling that i am so small whenever i reflect on those work trouble. It is stupid to be mad. Maybe looking for a non-medical personnel as a life-partner will be a wise thing to do!



(-_-)***life is a blessing when surrounded by people with beautiful heart...

Dropping off

If things are not working the way i thought it will be, i should not hold on to it; especially when it is not needed. Maybe it is time to change the plan or let it go.


(-_-)***it will not be easy

Maybe not!

There i thought i would be better off hibernating but the visit of two friends warmed my heart immediately and i decided not to stay away from people! It may just cause more troubles! Ok, again, i do feel fortunate to have such friends!


(-_-)***....drinking ginger tea now! =)

What animal do in the extremely cold winter?

...hibernating! That's what i feel like doing now! I think becoming dormant will be good for me.


(-_-)***.....cough...