Road to discovery

Dang it.....was done with my blog today but due to tech prob, it's all gone...wonder if i could still churn out the exacts words that i wrote just now!
No matter how much i would like to leave it on one far corner of my brain, it'll always be there. The pressing matter is back banging on my door again for the past few days but my emotions was better controlled without any obvious breakdown! phew....thank goodness or else i think i better check myself into the foot right across the road! (note: the foot is an acronym for Foothills Hospital, my main teaching hospital!) hehehe.....
I have been dissecting the root of my problems and i sort of have an answer to it. The reason why i am trying to distance myself from my housemates is because after Oscar's death, i see a glaring weakness in me. I doubt that i could afford to loose another close soul (this time gonna be one up-2!!) of mine after Oscar's incident. Although it's still 2 seasons away but the acute change will be too much to bear and it'll only add on to my series of calamity. sigh....even after reading 'One Child' that again reinforce that i should enjoy to the max of what i have now but i know i am not that strong compared to those unfortunate children whose soul is as tough as a gladiator. Not sure if i have always been like this or......