Time for reflections!

I don't know why i am waking up at ungodly hours for the past few days but i am in the mood of blogging now! Year 2004 ig going to leave us in countable hours.

For a quick summary, my life has been pretty monotonous, i am still following the path that i have chosen long time ago. I can't believe year 204 actually gave me both most agonizing and enchanting moments in my life.

The loss of Oscar is still haunting me till today. Again, i would stress that the torment of loosing someone who's really close to you is unbearable. I almost faltered in that challenge. Thanks to somebody for i have not lost my sanity and still continuing my journey. I was a totally different person during my grieving period. Depression is no fun! I will never belittle the word "depress' anymore. Just hoping that i'd learnt a great deal from it and gotten stronger. However, Oscar will never leave me for as long as i am still me. He's never been far from my thoughts.

Enchanting moments....it's even hard for me to lift my spirits immediately after thinking about Oscar!! But i got to say that the Japan trip tops it all. Needless to explain further, or else you'll be bored to death, I just wish to shout.... Nihon ga aishiteru!

I believe i'd changed a lot this year especially after living abroad almost 351 days (spent 2 weeks in Msia! ^ ^ ) I am not sure if i have lost some of my best traits -i.e, if i am still the innocent girl back then. I am not sure if i have lost my humbleness, if it's good to have an increasingly obsessiveness over things (meaning things are easily getting on my nerves now!) and if i am still a buddhist in someway.

There's a question that i have been pondering for a while. Can someone fake their "nice-ness" if they have been told that they are nice for as long as they could remember? Should i f***king care if this is only one remote remark compared to the hundreds that i've gotten? Maybe because she's someone who have always reached my soul for every word that she said. I think i try to hard to please her till i lost myself at those times. For my new year resolution, i shall stop being someone i don't like and i will not fucking care............sigh, that's not me! This new year resolution will never be achived! I have lived my life making people feeling comfortable around me, i shouldn't stop doing it as i still think it's best to be nice to be people than to be selfish!

And there's one other point for discussion, if someone is not that someone now but then decided to change, isn't she allowed to do so even if she had not been that someone before? If she's not allowed to, then why prison exists? Cause then there's no need for rehabilitation.

Ok....one glaring stupid habit that i'd gotten in the year 2004 is none other than having the f-word close to me. I shall stop that and revert back to SWEET!!!Sweet that, this is a sweeter way of swearing!

Results wise...i know i can't run away from my academic reflections, things are still going fine but sheez...i got to work harder in this blossoming new year. But my internet addiction isn't doing me any good for year 2004. Wonder if there's something like naltrexone for heroine, opiods or alcholism addiction..... coz i need something for my internetism!!!

Not sure when the end of the world will hit us after the worst natural disaster just happened a few days ago, i would have been drown by the same wave if i have made a trip back home and a trip to Penang engrossing in delicious delicacy at the sandy beach area. A blessing in disguise, don't you agree? Things afar and unrelated can actually hit us if we are destined to be on that end of the road. For this i wish to take this opportunity to tell you people { my family members and my lovely friends } that i love you all to bits and never once i truly intended in wanting to hurt/make you angry. If i ever done so during my irrational moments, i wish to apologise sincerely.

Oh well, my finalised new year resolution for year 2005 is to be humble and less biatchy! and definitely less procrastinating.

Toast to year 2004 for another year has passed, we are older for another year, hopefully we gained more than what we lost and hopefully we are wiser for that was another year of learning (*suffering*). Cheers to year 2005, Happy New Year! =)