Spoil Brat!!!

Am i a spoil brat??? A really good question. Maybe with the reason that i came from a family where i took charge of my brother and sister and most of the housework, i became very self-centred....i only want to do whatever in my mind thinking that it's the best for everyone. Because of this, over the period of time, i became more and more of an individualist. I will only be satisfied if people is to do what's in my mind....but i do try to accomodate other people's thoughts in certain situation as in in university's group work or anything that require teamwork......last week, i just hope that i could have one of my slot to be changed to an elective period so that i have more time to do the clinical specialty that i wanted but i was denied the chance simply because it's 'occupied'/reserved for my fellow canadians students (long story!!!!)Not that i want to whine about it and kept thinking that it's unfair but it's obviously not catering everybody's needs anyway!!!).......i know that they might need it more but what makes them think that i need it less.....you guys told me that everything is important and yet at this time when i think that i needed it most, i am coached to think that it's not that important after all.....i just dont get it.....you think that i have never gone through any obtacles just because you've never seen me failing exams here. But you never know that i'd fallen down many times (even though those might seems like ants business to you) and i'd tried hard to rise again to my current state. From my failure to obtain straight As in SPM to my dismayed performance in STPM to the roller-coaster results during IMU had me gone into endless of deep thoughts (confusion, demoralised and self-discovery) wondering if I am who I think I am. All these while, Oscar had been my only true soul-supporter. Loosing him ( the worst thing was- me not witnessing it) was by itself a real test of my mental strength. What more now.....scoring at least 90 is almost nearing impossible for me to achieve in USMLE, i still have to go on thinking that i can do it for the sake of my interest - Surgery!! And my fruitless research (everytime when my cells died, i am loosing THE thing in me to continue doing it -not only it's time-consuming, it's about MY 100% effort going into the drain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This alone is making me stressing up like nobody's business). You'll never understand my dilemma because you've never tried your best to do so, you are too occupied with too many other things. Although you told me that your advice is for the sake of my well-being, it's not tailored for me simply because you never know who i really am! I dont know when will it comes the day of me stop whining to you, my dear diary, but i know that i need to write it all out or else i will burst even before i realise it!!!! Can i stop everything i am doing now and go home and just become an electrical appliances salesgirl??? Dream on........i am just too ambitious and egoistic to follow that thought!!! I will strive hard for my ultimate goal!!!! Thank goodness that i am no longer in depression or else i would have c***** suicide!!!! 'Choi'...hehehe in (catch it in cantonese!!!!)