Another life lesson

People.....i need to talk.

Last 2 weeks had been a weird but rather meaningful for me. I had 2 weeks of surgical attachments where i learned lots about surgery and life.

This preceptor of mine, a chinese middle-aged surgeon, is a funny guy. He likes to joke with his patients, a typical "cina-ah-pek" but a smart one! lol!! He kept on reminding me how difficult it is to maintain a family as a papa surgeon, what more a mama surgeon. It did send chills to my spine after listening to stories and stuff but i felt that it's harder for me to leave it for something else. I don't know why i like surgery so much now. It's just as simple as I enjoy being a "surgeon" among other things!

During my 2 weeks, I got to do loads. I operated, I rounded on patients alone, I managed a lot of things and I was also tired but I was feeling joyous. Now i understand why people can be workaholic, they probably unconsciously enjoying the satisfaction that their job offers or merely just for the sake of perfection.

I went into the rotation feeling challenged; i worked diligently, i gave my best ,hence, i conquered my evaluation. However, now i am feeling more inadequate knowing how much i should know to become a good surgeon. There's so much to read and learn. I do ponder how much personal time i will have when i am really stuck in this profession. This kind of thoughts has been running wild in my brain for the last 2 weeks (thanks to him!). I weighed and weighed, I still don't know what's best.

Residency matching is still not done, i might not even get a placement. If i succeed, I'll be stuck at a place far from home and friends again. It does make me feel sick to the stomach as i have to admit that the last one year hasn't been the best in my life. What more another 6 years. As eerie as it sounds, I wonder if this new love of mine will be able to make me forget and part with those factors again for another short period of time. He gave me a life example. I was compared and matched to someone with similar ideas and passion. That girl ain't going through her life without difficulties but he did not know what's in my mind whenever he talks about her. I admire her courage as even with all the rough going, she's still standing there. Moreover, Sandy has been the one i am looking up to all the time.

Anyway, who knows what might happen if i have to start internship elsewhere, i do not know how much the fire in me can continue to burn.