Home?

Finally am back to my home rotation
Having yearned for it since it all started
Self-expectation has been running high
Just as high as self-dissapointment
Hate the fact that stress has been imminent
Is there a need to be in a pressure-cooker?
Every little mistake is perceived as the end of the world
That summarises the anxiety for the past one week

I certainly have not live up to myself
The feelings of ineptness is killing me
Why can't i learn to relax
and just take every pebbles as it is and not magnifying it?
I hate myself for this

Have said all these
It's still something that i wouldn't curse waking up to
in the middle of my dream.
It's still something that i will feel good
even if there's just one right decision that was made
even if there's just scut
even if it's just being a human retractor in the OR

It feels claustrophobic and yet i hope to thrive in it
Am i just incompetent?
Why am i constantly looking for challenges?
I mean challenges that can extend beyond my reach
Is this one of those?
I pray not


(-_-)*** do i know me?