Burn out

I have to admit that i am finally feeling burn out! I have been feeling very tired since last weekend. The brutal no-sleep call nights (meaning more than 24 non-stop working hours each shift, one after another) has used up my reserves. It has been 4 months of lots of work and enormous stress to do well with recent month consisting of crazy work load. This has totally thrown me off balance now. I know i am in need of break. Fortunately, it should be here after 8 more working days - to a less busy service! Although i am doing the counting down thing, i did not at any moment gone cursing about my current work. I do like what i am currently doing. My memories and interest in general surgery kept me going. Moreover, i might be meeting Sandy, my favorite mentor, pretty soon...coming october in San Francisco!!!! I can't wait enough for that to happen.

I think i just need sleep. Severely lacking in sleep is what making my emotion running extremely low. Hopefully next week i will be feeling better. However i am on call again tomorrow and sunday. I am praying for peaceful and quiet days and nights.


(-_-)***preparations will serve you well during the coming week though right now it may be difficult to see just exactly how. have faith.

Dear humblebird

It's finally the final farewell, i do have to admit that it's really weird and funny to have endless farewells since like about a month ago. Seated on my comfy black executive chair, with the heated therapeutic neck pillow (just now, looking at the microwave timer, waiting for the heating time of one minute and thirty-five seconds, it felt too long). After a good lacrimatory session just now, i am feeling much better now. I am actually not feeling sad to see you leave (as much as i hate to bid goodbye just now), i was happy as it is happening for a good reason, just that it's another parting.

How do you define strong? To not be emotionally dependent or to be able to maintain a calm and aloof personality at all time? I have been fortunate to be able to meet friends that i can trust and depend on. This is one of the reasons why i allowed people to see the weakness side of me. Regardless of my emotional volatility during difficult times, i am learning to contain and acknowledge it. I am actually happy that i am able to express them as freely as i like. I am not sure if that is being interpreted as being not-so-strong.

I have never really cried in front of people, and yet i cried twice in front of you (i blame the first time on my two angels) ! Even mich doesn't recall me being teary in front of her (apart from the phone conversation when oscar left). I am not sure if it's because being in this place far away from my support weaken my heart. I think i have just learned to appreciate things more than i used to and wish to show my appreciation when i am supposed to. I hope this action will make people around me feels happier.

For the past two years being a surgical resident, i witnessed and recognised that life can be really short and full of ugly surprises, i have learned lots about life. I learned to cherish life more than i used to, treasure even more those who made themselves significant in my life, and be more content of what i have achieved and owned. I may not be fully content because i have been fortunate to know what is the best although being good is already enough. I tend to make my life difficult. But i can assure you that i am happy with what i have right now. I also view all the stress at work to be blessing in disguise (that is where experience arises from) and i am walking on the ward every morning with the biggest smile of the day.


(-_-)***....love you lots and missing you already.