Dreams

this morning i woke to the feelings that i dreamt of seeing Oscar.......loosing Osacar has created a scar in me........i really love him very much.....i am not sure if i am able to go through the cycle of getting another pet and finally seeing it laid to rest again.....it's too painful in feelings than i could write it out........Oscar is too smart that i cant help but compare his ability to every dog around me......i can still go on and on endlessly about him.....sigh.....i'll never be able to forget my little baby..

In the morning, ate porridge......wonder if i can go down to 52kg.....wanted to try slim down...have been a 55++kg girl for quite sometime....wonder what it feels to be really slim and thin.......

I Miss Japan.....

I MISS JAPAN I MISS JAPAN I MISS JAPAN.....i dont know how much should i shout is enough to release all my emotions......i really miss those good time...life has change its role now that i am in my second year in calgary.....things are going at a faster pace now that i am engaging myself in so many things......not sure if it's stupid but i am always eager to learn new things...but at the same time i wish to excel in everything i do....i am just a reflection of a typical human being who is so selfish and wish the best of everything for myself......sigh.....if only i am less egoistic then i wouldn't be where i am in now or i should say if i am not an achiever.....a commoner's life would be really good sometimes i guess.......ah....back to my studies

Lab-reality of animal usage

I am kinda enjoying my time working in the lab doing pipeting, growing and stimulating cells)......i didnt expect myself to indulge in scientific methods like this......but there's a brutal reality behind all this scientific advancement....rats killing....this is the part that i dreaded to do actually.......my heart was moved to tears when i saw the other lab tech removign 2 baby rats from its mother, poor mother was searching all over for it....my tears was rushing immediately...and the worst thing was i actually saw 2 beautiful Siberian Husky sitting in their cage.....not sure what experiement they will go through.....please.....dont let them suffer.....

*brutal?? If me, myself is considering this brutal, i figure the G.W.Bush and tons of stupid government or terrorist groups leaders must have been cold blooded as it's human lives that are involved all the time in their hunger of power and materials.....

Japan......

Back to my Japan holiday......i have never felt so contented before...this trip and so many good things really made me feel that i am actually leading a very very very lucky life although i am only 23 (+ 1 day)....

Meeting Yuko again on July 26....is really something that i have been looking forward to......on Monday, July 26.......her parents took me to Osaka Castle then at night, i went out to somekind of cozy shop looking at Yuko practising her guitar......then on tues, she brought me to Kyoto....i actually fell in love with Kyoto.....i love the city for that it's a blend of modern and traditional and nature kind of feelings.....from modern Japanese buildings to old shrines and temples and also the flowing river. I swear i would go back to Kyoto at least 2 more times in my life...spring and autumn!!!! On that night...i had a very interesting conversation with her.....chat a lot about what we think of life..and i actually felt really comfortable telling her about Oscar.....i know she will understand exactly how i feel...and truly enough, after telling her about it, i was getting more ready to accept Oscar's death for some untold reason......after this chat i know a lot about her perspective of her life much more......... she and her mainstream theory.

Wed.....Yuko's birthday!!! Decorated her kitchen's glass door....should have done more...but no transport and didnt dare to make too much requests.....cooked her a successful pumpkin rice and curry chicken...they love it...so am i!!! Happy birthday......at nite, she brought me to a wonderful tofu restaurant that i love it so so so much......

Thurs....there we set off for our Disney adventure...taking bullet train again this time...but love to travel with someone i am close to...at least can chat about something that i love to and not to force out some conversation.....though it seems to come out from me simultaneously but i actually hope that i could keep quiet....and yet i cant stand quietness....sigh....that's me....

Disneyland..........i never expect myself to stay in such a nice hotel....going to Disneysea.....didnt really enjoy a lot like what i've expected initially but right after i found mermaid lagoon.....i am a changed person...i was so absorbed into it that my mind was telling me not to leave that place!!!!! I just love it.....spent quite some time in it, that by the time we left it's already dawn and the atmosphere started to become really really nice.....it has the ambience of a peaceful town with scenic view........i love the night view of disneysea....it's just amazing......and i actually wept a bit seeing the view from the aladdin palace across the lake to our hotel.....i cant believe i am actually able to enjoy such thing even though i am only 23yr old!!!! And i was actually happy that Yuko was there....my close friend after all.....and at the same time i was actually hoping that yein and su and leybie were there to share it......dunno why them......maybe because my life revolve in calgary with them!! Disneyland......as expected....swarmed with people...lively atmosphere......and such a cute Pooh attraction.......oh gosh........i love the shops there......and i love the hotel i was staying in.....so comfy!!!

Going back to osaka on saturday......sigh...end of my wonderful disney wonderland tour.....even though i was tanned...but nvm...it's all worth it!!!! On sunday....though yuko wanted to bring me to Kobe...but got cancelled,nvm...my mind didnt want to go anyway...prefer to see yuko is relaxing rather than planning hectically.....when i am on vacation....i hope ppl who is with me....will enjoy it as well......like what i told her...maybe when i was younger...i might want to travel more but now....i would rather opt for quality time spent....not sure it's because i am no longer a teenager but i want to appreciate something more than rushing to do it!!! Actually, I would prefer another day in Kyoto than in Kobe (hehehe ^O^ ) but nvm....i will be back!! Anyway...had fun seeing around Osaka!!! Goodness...the ppl...it's so crowded everywhere!!!Oh wait.....okomiyaki for dinner!!!......i love it!!!!! some nice little pancake!

Monday.....blue.....sigh..leaving Japan soon......today...went to do some souvenirs shopping.....guilty that it's yuko's parents footing the bill again......they are just too nice!!!!! Monday BLUE is really hitting me hard...i was actually quite down ......but was waiting for yuko to come home...cooked and ate takoyaki....this was so good!!!!......wore yukata and played fireworks!!!...what a wonderful night.... weird (wearing kimono to a playground playing fireworks after such a long time!!!) but fun.

Yuko....i am going to miss my vacation......reaching airport....i was still feeling ok.....i know i am recharged,ready to go back to continue my unfinish business.......but my heart was so heavy when it was at the point where I had to hug and leave them......my eyes went teary but i held it....i know i had a wonderful time and i actually want to turn back and stay......but i was ok after that.......maybe because i really had a a fulfilling holiday...no complain at all.....a holiday that all my friend and perharps millions of ppl will be jealous of!!!!

This time i didnt miss Yuko that much compared to her first visit in Malaysia......the only reason i could think of was.......i spent enough time knowing her this time compare to our first meeting (only got to meet for less than 2 days.)...........now my respect and admiration for her has grown stronger.......

Hope to see her again in canada!!!

Surprise birthday!!!! ^ ^

Yesterday was July 18,2004. It was such a memorable day for me.....in my opinion, the most special and surprise party i ever had in my life to date!!!!!!

I got back from my research work at about 6pm....feeling not so right because of some of my thoughts and tired and the heated-oven feeling in my house.....i was just not feeling right......then my housemates got back...telling me that they want to celebrate my birthday earlier.....want to have an early celebration....before this, i was told by yein that i'll have a SURPRISE party that it's intensity is bigger than any of those that we had organised before!! But then, everyday, she'll be telling me that she hasnt figured out what to do for the surprised party....little did i know that she actually planned for yesterday!!!

They made me dressed in a dress that they bought for me, 'paint me' heheehhe......then took me out telling me that we are heading to somewhere that i havent been before.....i was too tired to have any suspicion in me.....then she bought me to a Westin hotel room, of course i know what is going to happen next! My surprise party!!!!

Inside the room, they decorated it with tealites candles at every corner of the room, helium-filled balloons (72 altogether) floating at the ceiling, having rose petals spread on the bed with white bedsheets with a lovely heart-shaped cake(lighted with fireworks) and a big white doggie bear bear in the middle and lastly, with a bubble-maker, making lots of bubbles....what an atmosphere...with the yellow lights shining on all these....i was thrilled....never would i expect something like this would happen!!!! I am really really really feeling lucky.....what a surprise for my 23rd birthday celebration!!!!

Then at bout 8pm, we head to one of the hotel's restaurant, ON restaurant for a wonderful dinner....i ordered a pretty good salmon for dinner.....

Later at night, we were all half-drunk and puked somewhere along the line.....nevertheless, it was definitely an ineradicable day for me!!

Actually now is......July 21, 10.57pm..but i had an inclusion that i want to post but just somehow i was too excited about something else that i forgotten about it!!!

Going back to malaysia........i could sense that my body and mind was tired when i was travelling back to msia.......but kinda happy reaching home....my heart was really joyful and i was seriously smilling from my heart....this is my homeland after all.....Ivory picked me up...she is definitely a really worthy friend!!!!

Was happy to see all my family members but definitely could feel that my heart was searching for Oscar all the time!!!!!!! I just miss him so much....wept after seeing photos of him passing away.......those images will never be obliterated from my mind.... :(

Hm....glad to meet up with a couple of my imu friends.....it was a small gathering...ended up only meeting 3 of them....but i met the 3 most important people i guess....that's more than enough and seriously, these 3 are the ones that i look forward to meet up with in seremban and no more than that.....! It was nice catching up although i think it was me who did most of the talking...i seriously hope that i could hear more of what they have been up to since i left! And my grandma kept on wanting me to stay at her house but i am just to busy to stay at one place for too long!

Had to do so many things in malaysia.....i did it voluntarily.......had to apply for visas...US visa worries me but it was a huge relief that i found that i could get it within a day!! hooray!!! Then next on my list...Japan air ticket!! hehehe

In malaysia, i never had a holiday/ break for myself.....i was tired everyday......but going to Japan...though i chose to go there for almost 2 weeks....my family is complaining that i am spending too much time out there but it's all worth it as i finally feel that i am back to a healthy state of mind!!! .......it was in Osaka that i felt really relaxed....the holiday pace was really good....had enough time to sleep yet adequate time to play.......

Japan

I LOVE Japan...this is probably the last time i am going to talk about JAPAN.........i simply i talk to much about that people around is starting to feel boring......sigh....but my emotion is still running high even now it's already 2 weeks after i come back from Japan. It's exactly like in a manic phase.....what about a manic episode for one!!! :P

I really love Japan to the extent that i promise myself that i'll go back at least twice but there might be many more visits in my life.....all thanks to the wonderful people that i met in my trip as they really made it a splendid one!

First in Fukuoka, even though only knowing those friends for less than 6weeks...but they showed really kind and warm hospitality that i thought i am really lucky to meet them!! They brought me around, showed me Fukuoka city, which is like any other Japan city, a crowded but interesting for a tourist. This is the first time i see how people can dovetail so many things in such a small space....and yet, the stuff there are well organised and neat. Then finally get to go to Osaka!!!!

Wanted to meet Yuko in Osaka for god knows how long!!!!! She is just a rare friend of mine....both of us has similar thoughts in some ways....but our path is almost completely different.....it was interesting to hear her talking about her being someone who's not so mainstream and ....i'll explain further in my other post.

Wow.....bullet train...it has got this funny way of introducing itself...."Welcome to Nozomi Superexpress....da.da.da.da!!!! Finally reached Osaka.....seeing Yuko itself is a joy.....i was smilling in the heart seeing her sitting at the station waiting for me. But meeting her only for the second time, i didnt have any moment of ease trying to cook up some topics of conversation. We just click once we started talking....something that i think is rare.....coz i wasnt even feeling that we had meet each other since May 2003......it was like i am meeting someone whom i am very close, someone whom i am very comfortable with.....

Then the adventure that i am hoping for since i started writing to her has finally begin!!!!!!

Good to Be Back!!

Finally after a month of break, i am back in Calgary...or i should say i am in Medicine Hat right now.....got off with extra two days break by telling a white lie to my professor! Misses Calgary a lot....all because of those girls here! However i am still dreaming of being in Japan where i had a terrific, wonderful, excellent (no one word can describe my experience!)........HOLIDAY!!! Ok...i might not stop once i start writing about my trip!!! I am feeling sleepy now...going to take a short nap but i'll be back!!!