Internet addiction!!!

It's getting worse everyday!!! I thought i will be able to spare more time studying if i minus the surfing time that i spent everyday. However, i failed in my quest to do so simply because i am addicted. I need to get my fix every few hours no matter what's happening...the first thing that i do when i wake up or when reach home is signing on to my laptop. And with the recent rise of Manchester United performance made me frequent soccernet.com more often to catch up with the latest hype!!!! Oh my...talking bout football......Man U 6 - Fenerbache 2......what an electrifying score! I am crazy about it. I was thinking of suffering the 'agony' of seeing my fav club performance going down the drain as my heart heavily starting to agree that Arsenal and Chelsea are better teams. But Sir Alex does his trick again...with Van Nistelroy, Rooney, Ronaldo, and Ferdinand....watch out everyone....Man U is destined to dominate the football arena again!!! Sigh......even though i am in my lab now....what am i doing now?? Writing my 'online' diary!!! Wonder if there's any cure for me!!!!

Jocular

Am i always in that mood that if i sway even a tiny bit from there, people will assume that i am not at my true self??? Perculiar isnt it??? Oh Yein is starting to make further planning on her marriage ceremony....i felt useless at time, i mean my comments especially given when i, myself never been in such situation before. Moreover, she got all the planning ideas running in her head. So, no matter whatever kind of idea that i am giving is just redundant. I might even spoil her mood at times given my strongwill in trying to make my point taken! I really think 2 strongwill persons will have a hard time whenever it comes to a discussion because of the inability to consider other people's view...i know i should change...i am getting worse in this regard. I know i am going to annoy people as this kind of attitude is seen as being self-absorbed/centred/important......bla bla bla....in fact, it's true. sigh....wonder what am i becoming....anyway, put this aside as i really want to say something about wedding plans...not mine but the way she's planning her wedding really makes everyone around her feels like walking down the aisle at the same time as her....money again is important in getting the fairy tale wedding atmosphere.....why money? i am really wondering how and when it appears to have such a paramount effect.

Intruder?

Hm....i just had an e-mail saying that i want to change my password....pretty sure that i didnt try to blog yesterday, so no way that i would have made such a request. Someone is interested in knowing my blog???
It's a weekend again....feeling lazy now not wanting to study....no! no! i got to get back on track....back to studies now!!! :)

partner in life

I have thought of putting up titles like soul mate and true love.....i dont know but i realise that the appropriate term for the person to come into my life now is a partner in my life....just read Su Ann's blog....this little girl is amazing, she might not know a lot of what's going to happen in life but she knows exactly what she doing and going through right now. After reading what she had written, it just came to me that i do feel the need to find someone.....someone that i have been searching for all these while....wonder if i will ever meet him.....still remember that day i got into this topic with Yuko....i know i am being repetitive again now but we just seems to experience the same thing at the same time ever since i know her. Sigh....if only she's a guy or i am a bisexual, then my problem would have been solved!! hehehe....dont get me wrong here....i know perfectly that i am straight! But this thought came to my mind now because recently i found out that i have a friend who's a lesbian and she's going after someone i know who's apparently bisexual!!! how perculiar this world is becoming.....

Fukuoka June 2004

Finally, my fukuoka trip report....heheh....maybe because i love going to Osaka more than Fukuoka that i didnt bother to explain much but since i wrote one to 'submit' to the professor, i figure i might as well post it here!!
My trip to Fukuoka was not a well-planned one. I decided to fly to Fukuoka on 23 June night two days after I got my US visa done. Luckily, my fellow friends whom I met in Calgary agreed to host me even though they were expecting my visit at least a week later. Meeting them when I, myself was a first year in University of Calgary and in Calgary itself gave me a homely feeling as we are all Asians. I have always followed the news of Japan as my country’s ex-premier had always encouraged Malaysians to look to the east. Moreover they were a bunch of nice people who are easy to mix with. When they found out the possibility of me visiting Japan on summer 2004, they excitedly offered to bring me around Fukuoka. Of course, I accepted it; I know that I am going to have an experience that I’ll never forget. Reaching Fukuoka Airport on June 24, it was a rainy day but it didn’t distract my mind at all. Moreover, I didn’t get to see much rain Calgary for the past year. Meeting Tomoko and Yosuke brought me back to my first year memories. I remember how we used to go skating and having house parties with delicious Japanese home-cook food. My adventure in Japan begins! Right after arriving in Fukuoka, I was brought to Tomoko’s house where I am going to experience Japanese home stay. I got to meet two wonderful ladies- Tomoko’s mother and grandmother. Right after the short introduction, they wasted no time and I got to go to Fukuoka downtown for a short walk and then meeting Akiko at Fukuoka Tower. At night, I was pampered with delicious home cook food by Tomoko’s mother. I have always loved to eat at home as I know that’s the best way to feel the warmth and love in the family. In the next few days, I got to experience Fukuoka like a local. I went around Hakata city for sight-seeing, shopping and eating. I got to say that I was amazed by the denseness of a Japanese city and yet it’s tidy in a way. The food was nothing less than superb. I have a profound love for food and the places where I was brought to dine in were excellent. I also made my way to places where I wish to visit in Japan- beautiful shrines (Kushida Shrine and Dazaifu Tenmanguu) and a typical Japanese garden with beautiful landscape (Ohori Garden). I know I missed out on a yearly Fukuoka festival called Yamakasa but luckily I got to see those beautifully hand-crafted portable shrines made for the race.
I also got a chance to tour Kyushu Hospital and the medical campus. Thanks to Yosuke for being my guide! During my short tour, I got to meet Prof .Maehara, a professor in surgery who is responsible for the Japanese-Calgary student exchange program starting year 2004. Then I was brought around the new block of Kyushu hospital by Dr.Soejima who was kind enough to explain to me the setup of the new hospital. It was a well-built hospital with state-of-the-art facilities. On the same day, I was dining with another friendly professor called Prof Tsuzuki along with Tomoko, Yosuke and Akiko. Yet again, delicious food served!! On the last day of my Fukuoka stay, it was raining heavily leading to cancellation of my last day programme. However, in exchange for that, I got to spend more time chatting with Tomoko, Akiko and Mihoko. We had a good time joking and laughing. On that night, I was bound for Osaka by bullet train but I will never forget the great experience that I had in Fukuoka. I was awed by the kind hospitality that was shown to me throughout my stay in Fukuoka. I can’t express enough how grateful I am to treatment that I received from Shigechi’s family and also Yosuke, Akiko and Mihoko. I know without them, I wouldn’t have such deep impression of Japan. This year, 2004, I got to meet a new batch of Kyushu medical students (Utako, Etsuro and Nobu). I enjoyed getting to know them. Hope that they too had great fun in Calgary like their seniors

Failed experiment!!

Sigh.....perseverence, it's definitely something that is getting to me-straight into ME now!!!I am getting to know perseverence in a deeper manner now.....my cells for over two months were contaminated....was it due to my carelessness or my less disciplined experiment skills? Now i have to start all over again. If only i was more attentive to what i was doing, i would not have to repeat what i had done. I am only wasting my time if i am not going to change this stupid habit of mine. I should not delay what i need to do. All these trivial things will eventually lead to a big thing in which a dire consequence is there waiting for me. I have 20 rats coming in next week...hope that the flow of my experiment will go as i plan.....i 'pray' hard.

Dentist

Went and cleaned my teeth today!! It was free even though it was a freaking CAD283 bill....thank goodness that it's covered by the insurance included in our yearly tuition fees. Anyway, i am paying a heck lots of money to the uni - CAD 35,000.......worst than 'shark ear hole' aka loan shark...hehehe!!!! I gotta mention that the dentistry facilities in the clinic is nothing less than awesome...those modern oral x-ray machines and the gadgets used. It was really cool. They earn hell a lot of money....only one cleaning session, ths insurance company is going to reimburse a 'signifant' amount of service fee. Wonder why people is studying hard for medicine if they know dentist is earning lots with excellent lifestyle! Ate a lot for lunch, tasty pork ribs rice....it was really good especially when it comes along with a fried egg. I think of egg as a delicacy to me...i cant live without eggs as i know how good it taste now!!!! Half boiled, hard boiled, fried or steam, whatever style, it's the best food in the world........yummy!!!

Overly nice

This is a weird description about me. I am not sure if i can tell people that i am a nice person. I know that i am not the nicest person in the world as i know that i can be a very selfish person. However, since young, i have been instilled with good values and that's me for what i am and who i am. Just now i have been told because of me being overly nice, it has caused her to feel awkward towards my actions. Not saying that she's cynical with my actions, just that she didnt feel comfortable at times when i am being overly nice. I know that the existence of being too nice will irritate people or lead people to think this is not a normal behaviour and thus lead to suspicion. But i never realise that i will be one of those people that create such situation. Still remember how i enjoy helping an old lady to carry her 'recycleable rubbish' (her only way to earn money) every weekend after my British Council's English lessons every weekend. Going to orphanage to volunteer and get to play with those kids whom i think from the first second they were born to this world, they were handicapped regardless of their perfectly functional physical ability. They have to grow up without parental love in which i think is the basis of a balance mental foundation. ok...i'm starting to dwell away from my main topic today.....sigh...what do you think when i am told that i am actually very nice in nature but being superbly nice is only my second to my nature and thus, this is not the real me! So if i am not being superbly nice, that's me.... Am i confusing you with what i've just said...i am confused again...why am i always easily confused recently????

Clerkship

Finally what i have been waiting for is as near as my footstep, by early next month, i have to decide which rotation that i wish to go through first. One of my worst nightmares......it didnt really bother me initially. Now, because i have been laid back in searching for my true interest in medicine has caused such a choas in my thoughts right now. Do i want to become a surgeon or physician? Neither has cause any sparks so far. Or i should say, i have not been shadowing enough to find that spark. I have been troubled with this since the first day i reach Calgary. Although endless advice have been directed to me in searching for something that i can practice without regrets for the rest of my life, i was lazy and unmotivated. Now, i am in deep trouble. I am afraid that the impact of a busy life of a surgeon could jeorpadise my dream of building a family with good foundation yet i am in love with the anatomy of human beings. I wish to have a lot of communication with my patients, and it seems that becoming a physician could offer me endless interactions, but the endless illnesses that bug human beings send wind chills straight through my spine. I just dont understand how and why stress could intensified itself one after another. Apparently, the US residency training is gonna be a 100 times worse than the 'suffering' that we are getting in our clerkship. It's not the process of looking after the sick patients that cause all these pain, it's the politics, the selfish, snobbish and insensible attitudes of the people (those people that we regarded them highly all these while) that we have to put up with when we are working under them.

Bee-zzzyyy

I have been so so busy for the past few days....busy shopping in the weekend, busy studying and doing research work on the weekdays....so many things that i want to share from my deep thoughts but there no time at the moment for me to do so....just got back from lab, after a hot shower...10.30pm...feeling extremely tired, wanted to sleep but the sleepiness moment was interrupted by yein.....to be continued....

The freedom of our judiciary

Hail the current premier for it's no busy body attitude......silently, we all know that to save Malaysia from the current crisis is not an easy task....from economy strength to our social values, they have been steadily sliding down the scale but it was intelligently masked from us or again like what michelle said, were we too naive at that time that we/it's me that still gave my undivided support to our supposedly great politician, T** Dr. M.....holy cow, i hate that title in front of his name! I can't believe that my motherland is now falling apart, its neither climbing up the rank to be a developed country nor its catering the need of its ever growing people. It was left in a mess when our ex-premier stepped down. Anwar is freed! That's what fiercely printed on the front page of our opposition newspaper....of course this big surprise is covered extensively by every single newspaper back home. Wonder what Dr.M is thinking, whatever that was flashed in the newspaper since he has stepped down is not polishing his already heavenly-status. From the landslide victory of Abdullah Badawi team in the last election to the feedom of anwar....all these didnt happen during his tenure. Wonder if he's sore that his predecessor is getting all the good credits that he wasnt getting in his last few years. Dr.M basically destroyed the foundation that he built.....he could have lead us to a better Malaysia but he didnt....he allowed his greed to overtake every single success that he could claimed. Deep down i just hope that Malaysia will prosper once again.

This is so weird

I didnt know a good talk could make a total change in me faster than the light could travel! Sometimes it's all about the right time, right opportunity and the right person. Talking to michelle actually 'forced' me to conclude that all my confusion can be cleared if i have the heart to do so. I know what i want to do but sometimes i lost control when the weakened side of me prevail. But like what michelle said, all i need is to be reminded over and over again that i shouldnt be thinking negatively and keep up with what i have been doing. For the past two days, i really felt that i am seeing the old me with my own eyes, for goodness sake, i should just let things be if it needed to happen that way. Why on earth should i stress myself up when i already declared that i should live my life to the fullest everyday. The laughter, the fire and the passion that was grounded shall be unleashed once again.....who cares if i cant get grades over 90 in USMLE but deep down i know it matters....sometimes i still wonder, if i should be that ambitious and set my sight on a Harvard grad cert but live my life like a geek or grad with a simple MD but have the luxury of going through a less taxing life. Ultimately, i think at the end of the day,my ego rules....wonder when did the snobbery strain actually manage to find its way into my brain.

Understanding psych patient

Through this experience that i finally understand what it's like to fall into trap of isolation and depression. I understand perfectly why suicidal thoughts is not far from being real.

Hm.....road to discovery part 2

I know i had done blogging few hours ago but the past few hours had been something really noteworthy. Cant remember how i ended my last write-up but i just know that i am really feeling better. Getting my priorities right and going to look for a counsellor tomorrow!!!! Michelle has always been a friend in need! She's like there for a reason! And this time is because of me!