Bored HAT!

I am terribly bored now. Finally getting the break that i thought i needed all these while. I am now all alone in this small little town without any distraction. No crazy shopping outings which include buying groceries!!, dinners with japanese and running errants for 4 weeks. Rationally, i thought without all those activities, i will certainly able to rest my mind and concentrate in studying. However i am actually finding it a tough task! This secluded life left me feeling obscure. I don't think i'll ever be able to retreat to this kind-of-size town and live there forever. One might as well throw me into a jail and leave me rotten to death! Oh my, i just want to say that i have started to miss Calgary although this is only my second day here!

I also notice that i am constantly putting too much stress on my performance. Whenever i fail to answer the question given/give a wise comment in a discussion with my preceptor, i start to have this weird palpitation. Wonder what the hell is going on with me. I think i need somekind of psycho-relaxation-therapy.

Surgery

Surgery is cool........but will it be the specialty that i want to lead for life??? I know i am yearning for more hands-on experience but i just feel weak at heart sometimes wondering if i can do so. I know i am casting doubts now. I have never been strong in my stand to join this man-dominant field. Whether i can be a part of that is still "unknown". I reckon that i work with too much stress in the last 2 weeks as i put a big big stone in my heart thinking that nothing but an excellent performance will be enough. Hence, the feeling of suffocation arised when i felt that i am performing below par....every single comment was taken unequivocally as i wasn't at my rational mind to debate if it should be taken in or not! I wasn't even prepared for this attachment......with my Step 1 is still knocking at my doorstep, it feels as if i am trapped in my own maze.

Weekend is coming!

Done first week of my surgery elective! Had a FUN time although it's darn tiring....i wasn't really feeling tired starting work at 5am but upon reaching home at 6pm.....i can be dropped dead right after that!!!

My preceptor was a really good doctor...he let me do a big incision over the abdominal wall and assisted him directly in his rectal surgery today! I am actually yearning to see more surgeries and consults.

hm..should have been :Last Relaxing Week!!!

Here I am with the luxury of one week for "strictly studying" only before i begin my chapter as a clinical clerk next Saturday. I met up with my surgery elective coordinator and got myself a one-week-surgical oncology posting and another week of acute trauma service. I was branded as a super-keen student as i single-handedly directed my coordinator to "only" attach me to a high-ranked doctor. Just praying hard as i'll be able to be in an impressive form/very lucky to get reference letter out of it!