Newfoundland for 9 years?

Ok...here's the deal.........i can probably get matched in this part of the world for general surgery. However, the catch is i have to pay back my service for the period of 3 years. That would be equivalent to 9 freaking years!!!!

God.....don't tease me or toy me around anymore.......i don't know if i will choose this road. 9 years in a place that i am not totally in love doesn't sounds like a happy ending!

This city only got like 200,000 population....no where near a metropolitan status. Doesn't even sounds like a satellite city! I really don't know what to do next. I am in a big dilemma once again!

Do i try my luck in the USA or stay here??? Or should i go back to Malaysia??

Hard work pays?

I have to say that i have never tried so hard to show my work capabilities in front of people. I tried so hard to work at my best all the time.

Today, finally got my evaluation. I was estatic with one while I was pretty dissapointed with the other one. However, i think it's because Dr.Mack is a newly graduated specialist surgeon, so his expectation towards student performance is still pretty high as he still has yet work with a large pool of students. I was so happy when Dr.Lafreniere, the head of department of surgery, gave me an excellent evaluation stating that i am one of the best student he ever had. Dr.Mack gave me an above average rating. So, now you know why i am a little dissapointed with Dr.Mack's evaluation, although i told myself to lower my expectation, i still hope that it's nothing short of the best.

Anyway, mission accomplished! I am pretty sure the exam results will turn out fine!

Grenada?

Ever heard of that country? My heart actually ached when i heard that a good friend of mine in canada is actually going to a med school in that tiny Carribean country! He's such a nice and determined guy who yearn to go into medicine. After few years of failed Canadian med school entrance application, he finally applied to go to this remote country.

At the same time, i just couldn't feel anything less than blessed. I am still very lucky for where i am now. Everytime when i feel that i am in a terrible state, there'll always be someone else who's actually worse. I know i should feel glad that somebody had made me realised that i am not the most unfortunate person in the world, but why must it be someone i know this time. However, i have no doubt that he'll survive this challenge.

Do you believe it when Dr.Temple actually told me that "you are going to be a surgeon!".?I was so glad that he said something like that. (although at second thought, i want to be a vet surgeon!) Wonder what kind of impression that i have created in him.

It's either today or tomorrow that i'll be getting an evaluation from Dr.L Mack. Cross fingers and pray hard that i will be getting what's equivalent to the amount of dedication that i have given in my general surgery rotation. Seriously, there's never one second that i feel that i was forced to do so although i did feel worn-out. A month of training is as if i had been in it since eons ago.

My diary

Recently, a friend asked me if i feel "exposed" for writing an online diary directly from my thoughts. I am feeling tired of needing to hide anything. I feel that i will be mentally exhausted if i need to form better stories of my current form.

Initially, this blog is only for me, but i see no good reason not to let people that i care most knowing what's inside me since i would like to be treated the same way as well. Take that i am nosy! =P

However, there's a risk reading my blog as i'll drain your energy for reading something-not-so-light-heartening. Read CLEARLY! - This is my stressball! I don't write as much when i am blissful. Coz i got a better way to share my joy - I want to create a smiley face in people i meet.

another call day

Life is so complex that you really don't know what's the best for yourself and what more for others.

I know that i am on the dangerous gray zone where there's only a fine line that is keeping me doing what i am doing right now. My senior residents are all hating their jobs. I still like mine at this moment but if i am going to be like them. E.g, 5 years down the road, will i be like one of them? However, this little girl will never have enough courage to break the chain that she's in now.

Today, was another delightful day for me. Although i kept on judging my abilities, there's someone who is actually thinking so highly of me! I've never foresee that Sandy would talk about me in front of the "shark" preceptor. The preceptor that i am describing now is the head of surgery department and she's a hell of a woman! I respect her a lot. However, her social skills sucks, she's not a friendly person at all and she's definitely not someone you can mess around with! Sandy actually told her quite a bit about me , with her usual exaggerated praises on me in front of her. The worse thing is, this monday, she'll be able to judge the "rumors" as I'll be on call with her! Goodness......please either let me avoid her the whole day by not having anyone admitted or let me perform reasonably at my level. (-_-) Sandy really wanted me to stay in Calgary for the surgery program. I am thrilled with what's in her mind. Although that is pretty much impossible, i really appreciate her effort!